Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Opportunities of Conflict....

Spoken Words.
They can be the greatest gift or inflict the harshest wound.





All relationships are dynamic--active, vital.   Believing that conflict is bad causes truth to go underground and be replaced with a shallow, surface "corporate nod" that masks your authenticity, violates your integrity, and leaves you with low self-esteem.


The victim cycle begins.  At this stage, blame consumes your personality.  "What THEY did (or said) causes me to be this way."


When we no longer say what we mean, mean what we say, we spiral down to depths of eventual hostility and anger, internalizing these emotions and spending energy justifying them.  Blame becomes the basis of all our communication.  And simply being proud of "speaking what's on your mind" isn't integirty-based communication.  The skill of diplomacy and tact MATTER when you are confronting difficult issues.


Passive-Aggressive:  The "passive" part lacks the courage to speak up; the "aggressive" part internalizes the anger, consumes your personality, and causes you to bite irrationally at the wrong times.  


The Good News is that conflict creates great opportunities to strengthen trust, build loyalty, and form unbreakable bonds for a lifetime of quality relationships that will serve to sustain us rather than diminish us.


Absolute freedom is having an unencumbered conscience, free of distress caused by anger and broken relationships.  We want to stop replaying the video in our mind that wishes for words we would have said or words we shouldn't have said.


1.  Re-open conversations.
2.  Listen for understanding.  Just listen.
3.  Acknowledge your mistakes--all of them.
4.  Address how you will change.
5.  Ask for future conversations


Thd conversation IS the relationship.


[Cool Caveat]  Even if you don't restore the relationship, your truth and honesty feeds your integirty.  Your forthrightness in "doing the right thing" will sustain you and build your own confidence.

No comments:

Post a Comment